So, we’ve kicked off the first month of the year with a lot of personal goals. Losing weight, quitting smoking or being more adventurous. However, we tend to forget that a lot of our self-development also comes from how we communicate with other people. It doesn’t seem like a personal journey by wanting to work on our interactions with potential partners, but I can guarantee it’s one of the best places to start! If you feel like you’re ready to find someone to share your life with, here are some helpful tips on how to approach dating and relationships in 2020.
Let’s start with the most important relationship… the one with yourself.
When you’re on the hunt for a potential soulmate we always over analyse what qualities we would we like in another person or what kind of qualities the other person may be looking for in us. The first thing you need to ask yourself is ‘what do I value about myself?’ followed by ‘what do I deserve?’.
When you ask these reflective questions, don’t hold back on the self-love. I used to have a really hard time focusing on the things I loved about myself so when I would think about what I deserved in a relationship I never really came up with anything solid.
“I’m not 100% on the self-love train yet so I can’t really ask for much”
Wrong! Think again. By getting to know what you value about yourself, you can usually make a decision as to what pillars of a relationship you deserve to align with yours.
“I love and value that I’m a good listener/I give words of affirmation/I’m really driven…
So, I need and deserve a relationship that prioritises someone hearing me/ that is mutually reciprocated/ that is equally striving for similar goals”.
A great place to really find out more about yourself and what you need in a relationship is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, a book that has been expertly crafted to help you discover what you value within yourself (acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts) which then translates into what values you should be looking for in a partner.
If you’re a cheapskate like myself you can google search ‘The 5 love languages quiz’ which gives a free, short rundown of your own love languages. Great tool to help you understand yourself and what you need!
Now, something we have decided to leave in 2019 is toxic behaviour and relationships. A phrase HappinessCo. founder Julian Pace always says is “Hurt people, hurt people”. A powerful reminder that those who are not happy with themselves tend to not only self-sabotage but also take it out on others. If you know that laughter is contagious, then you’ll know it works the same for emotions. If in the past, or maybe currently you’re experiencing behaviour that doesn’t serve you then it’s time to call it quits and leave that bs in the past. Remember, you are the one person that is a constant in your life. People will come and go no matter what type of relationship or connection, so we don’t need to give our energy to those who give nothing in return and drain yours in the process.
Dr Nicole LePera is an amazzzzing woman that has created a #selfhealers movement on her universally loved instagram @the.holistic.psychologist
She has pretty accurately summed up what should be avoided in creating a partnership with someone as opposed to what an authentic, loving partnership consists of.
Prioritising yourself first as a form of self-love not selfishness. You need to know what you are worth and find worthy relationships that deserve your energy.
What a Segway to turn this all around and say… have fun! Lol! As if it was THAT easy.
I’m not being a hypocrite by saying you need to relax, because quite frankly dating is terrifying to think about and for a serious relationship quest you obviously need to consider the above to ensure you are finding a commitment that brings something beneficial into your life. But don’t push aside every situation either. If you are a bit of an over thinker like myself, you may call it quits after one date. It’s not the end of the world to go on a few hangouts with someone to really understand who they are. Most of the time it isn’t the love at first sight, marry me tomorrow type situations. Give people (and yourself) time to see what happens. Enjoy the moment, some dates will be shit and others will be great. Some you’ll be happy to never see that person again or you will be racking your brain why they haven’t texted you back. Whatever the outcome, you will gain something along the way.
It’s all part of the learning process. Romantic or not, our interactions with others is why we’re all here, to learn.
Happy learning to you all! let’s see what unearthed gems 2020 has to offer.
Love & Light,
If you want to hear more on dating and relationships, check out our podcasts:
How to use love languages to make love work
Modern dating, how can we navigate this crazy thing